Two menus...only one life

Gal 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness and self‑control. Against such things there is no law.

If you were a farmer, how would you check the quality of your product? Would you continue in a course of action that produced bad results season after season or would you make changes? I encountered this decision about 5 years ago. I was doing my daily Bible reading during one of my "re commitment stages." One of those stages that cycles around right after a terrible season of defeat, which is usually preceded by a season of my commitment waxing cold after a period of re commitment. I've been around this mountain a few times in my 20 years with the Lord. During this particular season of renewed commitment for the Word, I was faced with these two lists in Galatians 5. The good news is, I had one of these lists almost completely covered. The bad news is, it was the wrong list. After 15 years of calling myself a Christian, I still found my life littered with all the garbage from the first list and new shoots sprouting up every year. I was bitter and envious. I was a completely different person behind closed doors. I flew off the handle at the slightest little thing into fits of rage. I murmured against my pastor and anybody else. I wasn't involved in orgies, adultery or witchcraft but I had everything else on the list. This is especially shocking since at the time, I was playing a part in some ministries. I had recently been a Life Group leader. I was a Sunday School teacher. I was making video presentations for the church and going on missions trips. I had NONE of the fruits of the Spirit but had so much fruit from the sinful nature. How does one explain that? How does one stay active in a church and call themselves a Christian for so many years without enjoying any fruit of the Spirit? My conclusion: I had no idea who I truly was.

During those years of play-acting the part (the word "hypocrite" can be translated "actor") of a Christian, I was repeatedly reminded that I was "just a sinner, saved by grace." It was hammered home during every service and get-together. I was never told that I am son of the Living God or co-heir with Christ. I was not told that I could live a sinless and victorious life while waiting for Jesus' return. I was told not to expect sinless behavior from myself because it's impossible while in the flesh. So, I tolerated a little bit of envy and then a little more envy and soon jealousy and bitterness were constant companions and before long I found myself hosting a banquet for demons every day of my life. I wasn't told that I could do all the things Jesus did except atone for sins. I was told to just do my best to hang on to my salvation until Jesus comes back. Well, after 15 years, I got a little tired of raising bad fruit. I went to see my Pastor of the Month (we'd been doing some church-hopping too) and asked him what I was doing wrong. He had nothing to suggest! He kinda shrugged his shoulders and said it takes time to grow all that fruit of the Spirit and I shouldn't beat myself up about it. Well, I wasn't beating myself up, I was just wondering why I hadn't managed to cultivate any fruit of the Spirit after 15 years of "walking with Jesus." He had no answer. I decided that wasn't good enough and it was time to make some changes.

This is the moment of clarity that would eventually lead me to a "Word of Faith" church. I'll admit, at first, I had my problems with them and I'm not about to say they have it all figured out. But I'm reminded of the man who received his sight after Jesus touched him in John 9:20. The man was born blind, Jesus made some mud and smeared it on his eyes, the man received his sight. When asked by the Pharisees how a "sinner like Jesus" could have performed this miracle, the man replied "I don't know, but what I do know is I was once blind but now I see." There were terrible dark days for me, when I would let my flesh just run wild until the Word of Faith taught to take my thoughts captive. I was a miserable unreliable hot-head until the Word of Faith taught me to put my flesh under and control myself. For the past five years, I have been endeavoring to live a victorious life of faith and I don't have time for grudges or bitterness. I don't envy other people's success because I know my success is on its way too. Say what you will about the "Word of Faith" movement but for me, it has produced great fruit in my life.

The one distinctive element to living the life of faith is "identity." For 15 years, my churches and pastors called me a "sinner saved by grace" and I lived like someone who was on borrowed time. I lived like someone who felt my proper place was on my knees constantly begging for forgiveness. I lived as if happiness and success were doled out mysteriously by some detached Heavenly Father to those He approved of and the rest of should bite our tongue and wait our turn. During those 15 years, I was living like a second-class citizen of Heaven and I resented it. Since coming to a new understanding of my true identity, I am joyously producing fruit of the Spirit. I have peace, joy, and love. It flows quite naturally from me. I don't see myself as some shameful beggar standing far off from God. I see myself as one who is welcomed and encouraged to walk boldly into the throne room of God.

My approach to God has changed significantly as well. I no longer feel like I need to come to Him with "Hannah's bargain" and promise Him something in order to receive from Him. In 1 Sam 1, we have the story of Hannah promising to devote her child back to God if he'll open her womb and give her a son. For so many years, that's the method I was encouraged to emulate. It was never put into so many words but the implication could not be avoided. Very little was taught about the method Jesus used which was ask in faith and in accordance with God's will, believe you have received it and it will be yours. This kind of preaching was called "Prosperity Gospel" and many other names (none of them polite.) I wasn't encouraged to ask God for the everyday things that make life better and more enjoyable. I wasn't encouraged to ask God for enough money to pay my bills. Which I always thought was very easy for the Pastor to say because he seemed to be doing just fine financially. I was instead encouraged to just take whatever life hands me, trust that it's what God wants for me and He knows best. But I found out that's not true either.

Jesus didn't just tolerate whatever life handed him. When he needed something, he asked for it and received it. Things like enough food to feed all those people during those two miraculous sermons. If Jesus wanted us to just accept what life handed us, that would have been the perfect time to tell us, "We don't need food. We can get along without it for a meal or two. These people just need to forget about their stomachs and listen to me." If we we're just supposed to weather life's storms as best as we can, why then did he stand up and rebuke one? No, we are not supposed to live as victims of this life. We are supposed to life as we truly are. We are more than conquerors! We have been handed to keys to life and death. We are supposed to be living above our circumstances not under them.

There are plenty out there who will find fault with my conclusions and call this heretical teaching. That's fine. I am no longer worried about pleasing people. They can say what they want. All I can tell you is once I was a bitter, self-absorbed, deceitful, ambitious hot-head with questionable motives and now I am bearing fruit of the Spirit. It's hard to argue with results. You have two menus to choose from and only one life to eat from it. Which menu would you choose?

ID please

Sara and I have moved recently and that means finding a church home....again. Outside of home dental work, I can't think of anything more agonizing. And it's not like we're going about this as if we were choosing a restaurant. We understand that at some point, we're going to be called to a church with some problems and we are expected to love it warts and all. We are okay with that. We are mature enough in our faith to realize that deciding on what church to attend is a serious act of worship that should not be entered into lightly. We are not using score cards, giving the Praise and Worship team a B- and the greeters a C and the preaching an A-. We understand that we need to listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit and then just commit to where He sends us. Our struggle with that is, we've not developed the spiritual muscle of hearing clearly from the Holy Spirit. We hear plenty of voices, but picking out the one voice we should listen to takes maturity and practice. One doesn't just stand up from the altar of repentance as a new born Christian with the fully developed ability to discern God's voice from everyone else's. It takes time to develop that relationship with God and we have not fully arrived yet. We still miss it and sometimes we just decide not to try to hear from God. Sometimes we just get lazy and make a decision based on what comes easiest and hope God is okay with it. This has only served to cause delay in our pursuit of a new church home. We visited one church because we have friends that attend that church and thoughtt how great it would be to spend more time with these friends. Unfortunately, that was NOT the church God has in mind for us and we knew it right away. We were so eager to make it work, went for three weeks in a row, hoping to get a different answer from the Lord. But we heard from God correctly the first time and He doesn't change His answers.

We can look past a lot of things. We weren't looking for things to criticize. We wanted to stay at this church and plug in, and build friendships and get involved with a small group, a Sunday School class and a life group. We wanted to start going to Men's Breakfasts and choir practice. We were looking forward to nestling in with our friends and making more friends but...this is not what the church is for and this was not a good enough reason to stay at a church that wasn't for us. My Father made it clear to me right away that this was not the church for us. Some of the first words that came from the Pastor's mouth were: "We are all just sinners saved by grace." This is NOT how my Father sees me and this church, with all its programs and special music, just refused to see me as my Father in Heaven sees me.

My Father tells me that I am a new creation. I am more than a conqueror. I am a co-heir with Christ. My Father tells me that I am His child and welcome to all the promises of Abraham. The pastor of this church felt it was his duty to remind us repeatedly that we are just sinners saved by grace. The pastor built every sermon and engineered every program around this agenda of reminding us all that we were once hell-bound and Jesus had to die a horrible death to keep us from going there. I don't disagree with him. I know this is true. I know that if Jesus had not made the sacrifice that He made, I would have been doomed to hell. I know that my current life would be horribly different if it weren't for His influence on my life and the people He surrounds me with. I know that at one time, I WAS a sinner saved by grace.

I am no longer a sinner saved by grace. I am a brand new creation, of a brand new species. That guy who was hell bound is dead. I still live in the flesh tent that he left behind, but that doesn't mean he still lives. I am not the same guy who knelt down and asked Jesus into my heart. To live in a constant state of remembrance of the wicked soul I once was is NOT the life God calls us to. There are so many more important and vital things that need to be done, that to spend so much time wallowing in my own embarrassment and remorse over a life I no longer live is a criminal waste of Kingdom time. It does not advance the Kingdom at all. If anything, it hampers the Kingdom.

When we spend so much time focusing on the deplorable state of our soul, we only weaken ourselves. To do all the great works God has called us to do, we will need courage and power. To even attempt to step out and launch into something God has called us to, we need to know that we have the power of Heaven endorsing our steps. We won't have the spiritual power we need to face our enemy if we are constantly reminding ourselves of how unworthy we are. If we spend all our energies on reliving our rescue from hell, we won't move on to doing the real works that have been prepared in advance for us to do. We are not called to a life of apology and reminiscence. We are called to a life of building the kingdom. We will have all of eternity to remember our salvation and give thanks for it. But while it is still called "today" there is much work to be done. Let us press on towards the goals He has for us. It is proper and fitting to give thanks everyday for the new life you have. It is NOT proper and fitting to exhaust ourselves with self-mortification in an attempt to demonstrate our gratitude.

Jesus left us with a very clear mandate; "Do you love me? Feed my sheep." If Jesus wanted us to spend the rest of our days contemplating the terrible trial we forced Him to endure to save our souls, this would have been the perfect time to tell us that. But instead, He tells us through Peter to show our love to Him by feeding His sheep. In order to do that with all the potential impact and effectiveness, we need to shake off this identity of a worthless beggar and put on the new identity of conqueror. You WERE a sinner saved by grace. NOW you are more than a conqueror. So let's get up off our knees and go conquer something!

What rules?

For so many years, I was very bitter towards God because I felt He had failed to keep up His end of the bargain. I thought that if I went to church, read my Bible, tithed and didn't cuss, then I was entitled to success. I felt God owed it to me for being such a good Christian and nothing made my blood boil faster than seeing someone else get a promotion or blessing or recognition. Of course I tried to mask this bitterness with a fake smile and some insincere congratulations but I never once fooled God. The success that I coveted always seemed to elude me.

The reason for constant failure is pretty obvious. Despite my best efforts to look like I was following Christ, my flesh was still calling all the shots. I was performing all the duties of a good Christian without actually being a good Christian. My flesh was never dethroned. My flesh would decide to read the Bible and tithe and be a good boy just so I could put enough gold stars together to ask God for stuff that my flesh wanted. My flesh has no real interest in being a good Christian. Being a good Christian is completely opposite from what our flesh wants. My flesh still wants to be catered to even after my spirit was reborn. Our spirit is the one that wants to actually BE like Christ. But until we develop enough spiritual strength and maturity to deny our flesh, we execute the plans of our flesh. Somewhere in my early Christian development, I was told that the urge to sin would abate. Someone told me that I would eventually lose the desire to sin and my only goal in life would be to please God. Perhaps, the problem is me, but I never achieved that level of Christian character. My flesh has never stopped trying to put an end to all this churchy stuff so we can get back to having all that fun. My flesh did not get reborn. My spirit did and my flesh has not stopped complaining about it. Even Paul struggled with what he calls the sin nature that lives within us. Romans 7:14-19 describes the tormenting cycle that we all face. We don't do what we want to do but we do what we hate doing. Then we torture ourselves with guilt and condemnation for doing those things that we know displease God. Then, instead of dealing with that sin properly with repentance and confession, we try outweigh it with more "good behavior." When our good behavior fails to tip the scales in our favor, we fall into bitterness and resentment. And if you're anything like me, you've repeated this pattern so many times you've lost count.

It occurred to me one day that what I thought I knew about success may have been incorrect. And where did I get these rules in the first place? Who told me that ACTING like a good Christian would lead to success? Maybe there was something else I should be doing to achieve my goals. Instead of doing my best to convince God and everyone else that I was a good Christian, maybe I should sincerely devote myself to actually BEING a good Christian. Instead of letting my flesh get out of control with envy and spite, maybe I should start taking thoughts captive and casting downs those thoughts that displease my Lord. Maybe I should start acting like Jesus is my Lord and not my employee. Maybe I should to take my flesh off the throne.

At first, this is a daunting task. It's especially daunting if you've never asked anything difficult of yourself. If you've never held yourself to a standard of excellence and demanded maturity from yourself, it seems impossible to control your flesh. Until we actually try it. When we actually take that first thought captive and cast it down, we feel a whole new sensation. Our spirit gets a small taste of victory. With that taste of victory, comes a whole new set of possibilities. Suddenly, we see that we don't have to live as subjects to our own emotions. We realize that we can deny our flesh and live to tell about it. We realize that we don't have to be bitter and angry when something disappoints us. We can CHOOSE to ignore the complaints of our flesh.

Now this is where the Word of the Lord becomes a double-edged sword and starts separating bone from marrow. Under the regime of our flesh, we did all the outward Christian things to curry favor. Under the regime of our spirit, we find ourselves doing a lot of the same things outwardly but for different reasons. When our flesh is in control, we read the Bible. We read at least 1 chapter a day and we put a little mark on the reading plan calendar. Then we hit the time clock and put in our 15 minutes of prayer time which is actually just us telling God what we want His blessings on. Okay maybe we only make it to 11 minutes but that should be good enough. And then, after sufficiently performing our Christian duties for the morning, we go about pursuing our own goals with a clear conscience. Similarly, when our spirit is in control, we read our Bibles. We start with one chapter but that reminds us of another scripture which leads us on a journey to discover the connections between the two and the next thing you know, we've spent an hour paging back and forth through our Bible. Without realizing it, we find ourselves talking to God quite conversationally about what we've just learned and we've easily spent at least fifteen minutes in prayer before we start in with our list of specific requests. From the outside, it looks like we are doing the same thing. But He wouldn't be much of a God if He couldn't see past our superficial gestures. God clearly sees the different set of motivations driving the behaviors. The token gestures our flesh makes are an appalling insult to God. The sincere excursions into His word and heartfelt conversations we have as a result are exactly what every parent desires from their children.

Your flesh is stupid enough to believe a ridiculous set of rules about how to gain God's endorsement of its plans. Your flesh is stupid enough to think God can be manipulated by our behavior. James puts it well when he says, you have not because you ask not and when you do ask you don't receive because you ask with wrong motives (James 4:3.) Don't get me wrong; there are rules to be followed that will lead to success. They are laid out very plainly in Deuteronomy 28 verses 1 through 15 and Jesus reaffirms them very succinctly in Matthew 6:33. But these are not the rules that our flesh follows. Our flesh tries to do a good job of convincing everyone including God that it is following those rules without ACTUALLY following those rules. Our flesh is still governed by the rules of serving its own purposes above all else. Real success comes when we devote ourselves to following the rules spelled out in scripture out of a pure desire to please Our Lord. God knows why you are doing what you are doing and He knows when we do things from pure motivations.

Here now is the tricky part. Here is where the real climb begins. Now that we know we need to do all the right things, for all the right reasons, how do we go about getting our flesh excited about it? The answer is simple; we don't. Here is the other lie that I have fallen victim to. Somewhere along the line, I got fooled into thinking that it gets easy the longer we do it. This is a despicable lie. At no point in our Christian pilgrimage will our flesh EVER get excited about following God's rules for pure reasons. This is our constant struggle. Our flesh will NEVER cease to want its own appetites. It never becomes easy and the sooner we make peace with this truth, the sooner we can begin making real progress.

This is where our goal in life has to change from "winning the lottery" to "winning the fight." The reason life becomes so bitter and disappointing to our flesh is because our flesh keeps expecting the work to be over. Our flesh's main goal in life is to get back to the couch to make sure the TV still works. And nothing aggravates our flesh more than work. Our flesh is not interested in putting in more effort. Our flesh is looking for a way to avoid more work but we are not called to a life of ease and comfort. We are called to take part in the BUILDING of a Kingdom. Building a kingdom is hard work and there is no end to it. As long as souls are still being born into this world, someone is going to have to share the gospel with them. Take up your cross and follow me. Seek first the Kingdom of God. Set your thoughts on things above. Cast down every thought that exalts itself against Christ. These are the rules we are called to obey. These are the rules we must follow with sincere devotion and pure motives. Following these rules will lead us into the greatest victory in human history and unimaginable success that exceeds our wildest dreams. Let us not be fooled into following a bogus set of rules that will lead us into disappointment and ultimately to our destruction.

I serve a King

Every one of those words are important. The Lord comforted me with those words last night. I suffered a small set back yesterday. I got word that I was no longer being considered for a promotion at work. I'm happy to say that I didn't respond with the same angry outbursts I have in the past but my response could have been better. I kinda pouted a little. I moped and felt sorry for myself a little bit. Then in the middle of the night, the really haunting thoughts had a right to come and torment me because I didn't cast them down. In the middle of the night, I was attacked with whispers of despair: "You'll never get promoted." "You're doing the best you can and that's not good enough for them" "You're running out of time" "You're never going to succeed." "You are going to be struggling for the rest of your life." These thoughts had every right to pester me because I didn't take those thoughts of self-pity captive and cast them down when they first cropped up. Oh well, live and learn. It made for a long night of struggle. I didn't sleep well and I still have to go back to work today. Thankfully, when we cry out, Our Heavenly Father hears us and comes to our aid.

In the midst of those dizzying thoughts about how difficult it's going to be for me to get my career in gear, the Lord comforted me with the words: You serve a King. You see, the major frustration I have met in my life is that I can't seem to get my own little kingdom built and running on autopilot so I can go devote my life to building His kingdom. For as long as I can remember, I've tried to sell God on the idea of helping me get financially free so I can concentrate on doing the work of the Kingdom without having to worry about money. And for as long as I can remember, He has declined to help me. He keeps insisting that if I just commit all I have to serving Him, He will set me up with more than I can ever dream or imagine. He assures me that if I lose myself in the pursuit of His Kingdom, I will have added to me all that I could ever want. Last night, I think He made some real progress in convincing me. In His still small voice, He reminded me that Max Miller is long dead. Max's kingdom with all its sordid memories is forever abolished never to be rebuilt and my time is better spent building The Kingdom. That quieted the storm for me.

I stepped away from the howling winds of my own goals and committed myself again to serving my King. I serve The King. Every word in that sentence is significant.

I; my mind, my ears, my eyes, my mouth, my hands and feet, all that can be described as Max Miller....

Serve; put highest priority on, seek permission from, seek direction from, obey completely and quickly...

The King; the ruler and creator of the universe, the Supreme Authority.

I no longer serve my own goals. I am free from the burden of trying to orchestrate the forces of nature and people to promote the kingdom of Max Miller. It is not important that Max Miller be applauded and promoted. It's no longer one of my priorities to plan for the financial well-being and comfort of Max Miller. Max Miller had his opportunity to indulge his every impulse and pursue his every goal. He failed. It is now time to devote the resources to a much higher purpose. A purpose that has a much better chance of succeeding. The hands, feet, mind and time that once belonged to Max Miller, now belong to Jesus Christ. Any use of these resources for the lesser purpose of making Max Miller happy will be considered embezzling. The comfort and happiness of Max Miller is no longer my concern. That duty belongs to my King. He promises to lift me from the dung hill to sit me with Princes. He promises to pour out so much blessing on me that I won't have room to contain it all. He promises to add to me all the food, clothing and housing I will ever need. Any effort on my part to help in that effort will only delay progress. I serve a King.

So what am I supposed to do with my time and effort now? Well, I woke up this morning and made sure my mind and spirit were properly calibrated. I got up out of bed and reminded myself of what God told me during the night. I serve a King. This day belongs to Him. He has things He wants to do through me today. The quickest route to my destination is to drive straight towards His goals for the day. I commit myself to doing this with gusto and fierce conviction. I won't tinker around with this. I won't "see how it goes." I will keep my mind and spirit alert to detect His voice. I will quickly obey his direction. I will live and die with whatever consequences come from doing this. I will stake my entire happiness on this. I will find my fulfillment and joy in SERVING MY KING. I am finally ready to repent of serving my own appetites. Forgive me for all the years that I have wasted Lord. Today, I will serve you well and I trust you to keep your promises. I am no longer concerned about the promotion at work, I seek only YOUR promotion. Thank you for your comforting presence Lord.