An Open Letter to Faith Life Church

I wanted to let everyone at Faith Life Church know what an impact you've had on my life. I am definitely not the same man who walked through your doors that first Sunday. I no longer attend in person but continue to feed on the TV broadcasts and downloadable messages. FLC is still a part of my life despite the fact that we are now attending and serving in a church in Springfield.

Firstly, this is the first time I've left a church with no hard feelings. It's always been due to unresolved conflict that we've changed churches in the past. We were the worst kind of church-hoppers; the kind that tried to justify childishly stomping off in a fit by saying "We just feel led to another church." This is not the case in this situation. I truly felt I had the full permission of the Holy Ghost to move on and I'm glad to say that I didn't move until I had that permission. That would be enough growth right there but that is just one example of how I have been transformed under Brother Moore's leadership.

I had no idea how childish and ungodly I was until I started growing. When I first started attending FLC, my life was about to be shipwrecked, my marriage was in deep trouble, my finances were a nightmare, my character was undeveloped and I had the biggest chip on my shoulder about preachers; especially ones that wanted to talk about money. If anyone ever needed FLC, it was me.

I was filled with my own arrogance and thought "I could do a better job" in regards to everything I saw. Nothing escaped my critique. When I volunteered for the media team, it was because I thought you needed my expert touch. Can you imagine the amount of grace God had to lavish on me to keep me and my bruised ego from stomping off insulted by the very notion that I should start serving in the parking lot? But that is one of the most important events in my life. Outside of getting saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit, that had to be the most significant moment in my spiritual life. Showing up for duty, with a good attitude to serve in the parking lot that first Sunday was the turning point in my life. I've never been the same. Under Harry and Don, I learned to serve with excellence. I learned that the ego can survive without being stroked. I learned that I didn't have to be applauded or in charge. I loved serving in the parking lot. I loved holding my tongue and saying "Yes, I'll be glad to serve there." and then actually serving with a glad heart. There were some mornings when the smile was fake and Satan was having his fun with my thoughts. There were times when jealousy and pride ran amok in my heart but praise God I still forced my body to do it's duty. I do believe I learned as much about living by faith while watching an empty staircase at the edge of your parking lot as I did from Brother Moore's messages.

Since then, I have made great strides in other areas of my life as well. I no longer throw fits of anger and stain the Crown with childish tantrums. I no longer whine and complain when faced with challenges or setbacks. I no longer allow Satan to use my mouth and other members to do his work.

I don't shirk my responsibilities and leave the financial concerns of the family to my wife. I now shoulder that burden diligently so she can rest in the confidence that it is taken care of. Relieving her of this burden may be the sweetest thing I've ever done for her. She is no longer living under constant anxiety. You see, in the beginning days, it was easy for me to speak out all of those confessions because I had no clue just how bad the finances were. My wife on the other hand felt the giant's breath on her back. It must have been so lonely and frightening for her to see me glibly ignoring the finances while blithely reciting our confessions. I recognize now that what I was demonstrating then was not faith. Faith can only occur when you recognize the danger. What I was doing was "playing church."

I also now recognize the need for effort and diligence. Along with all my other shortcomings, I was terribly lazy. I think Shane may have some footage of me on the brink of collapse while trying to plant spring flowers. This too has changed. I don't permit my flesh to lounge around unproductively during my free time anymore. I still probably watch too much TV but I also tend to the maintenance of my house and soul. Prior to this, my off days were spent on the couch making sure the TV still worked or in bed.

My employers, though they don't know it, are very glad that I've learned so much from Brother Moore too. Because of this maturity, I do better work, I don't undermine their authority, and I contribute to a good work environment. I'm not the guy who's gonna go ballistic when criticized or corrected anymore. I'm not going to take my disappointments out on the customer or co-workers. I am the employee that I would want.

I said all that to say this; I've never been happier. Instead of living under the cruel tyranny of my flesh which is never satisfied, I now live in peace, victory and joy. It is important to point out that I am saying all this in the midst of continued financial challenges. Outside of a cedar-chest (Sara's gift from her father when she graduated from high-school) and some Christmas ornaments, we do not still own anything that we had when I first started attending FLC. We've lost it all, twice! We've had to sell off and relocate several times. Over the past, 5 years, we have moved 7 times. Each time, I had the opportunity to despair and say "this faith stuff is a hoax." But I didn't because through it all, we've never missed a meal or spent a night outdoors. In fact, we've even been able to help others. We've continued to tithe and sow and despite what the bank statements say, we have prospered.

I've prospered a great deal in my soul. The world can't scare me anymore. My flesh can't bully me anymore. I stride through life now as one who is reigning with Christ. Not as one who is trying to curry favor with Santa God so he'll give me goodies. I don't beg or cower. I don't see myself as just a sinner saved by grace. I see myself as more than a conqueror. When I look in the mirror, I see a man of God not a spoiled brat. I am indeed rich and highly favored. I know my best days lie ahead of me. Because of my time at FLC, I can now lay hold of the abundant life Jesus bought for me. I am forever grateful.

Every little moment

This fast and I are not getting along well. I wake up feeling like I just took a beating, my plumbing is all out of sorts, I've got aches and pains where none existed before, Glory to my God on high, I'm in a fight. I am learning there are other tastes out there besides meat and sugar and that's enriching. But today marks the first spiritual gem I've mined from this mountain. Today my mind flashed on what it means to be totally absorbed with just one thing. For a split second when I was thinking about slinking back to bed instead of going to work, I got a glimpse of a man whose only concern was pleasing God. It was amazing.

This is my first sign of getting a vision from this fast. This is the first flash of insight into grasping the abundant life Jesus bought for me. For just a fraction of section, I saw a man who said only one word: "Father!" and he had a look of desperation on his face. His gaze was upward of course and in that flash I could see the only thing he cared about was pleasing his Father. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else came close to mattering. I could see in that flash that he was completely free from all worldly concerns. He had the luxury of answering to only one Master. And I so want to be that man now. For the first time in my life, I glimpsed the freedom and power that is to be had for those who are solely concerned with pleasing the Lord. They don't have to worry about pleasing people, which is a mythical and futile task that I never seem to tire of. They don't have to worry about consequences for their actions because they have complete trust in the Lord to protect and reward them. They don't shrink back from any task because they know the Lord has given them success and victory. I saw all this in a flash and then....my phone rang. Poof, end of vision. Awwwww cusswords!

When I was done with my conversation, I was tempted to flick on the TV and just veg until it was time to go to work but in a very small and polite whisper I was invited to follow God in a small step of obedience. "Why don't you spend time in devotionals." And for the next few minutes, the fight was on. My flesh already had the remote in hand but my spirit listened to the voice that said "This is one of those moments when you must seek first the Kingdom. It's in these little moments that your life is determined." So glory to God here I am, in devotional time with the Lord instead of watching TV!! Round one goes to my Spirit. Hallelujah. We call that a victory and put one in the "W" column! I really do love winning. I know this sounds like very small potatoes to some but this is where I am. This is where I start. This is where I must make my stand. Glory to God, I made it and no spirit of condemnation is going to take this win from me. I was given a chance to follow God or ignore God. I chose to follow God. End of discussion!

I know I've written something similar to this before but it's becoming more real and vital to me. Those who follow God, follow Him at ALL times. At every little crossroads, they chose to follow God. In every little moment when they are faced with a choice, they always choose to seek the kingdom. I can see how it can become habitual but I can also see how the stakes can be raised and how each decision can be just as hard to make as the prior one. I can see now why we must make a habit of choosing God in every little moment so when we get to the "big" moments we'll be prepared. In following Him in that one little moment, I heard His voice again which will help me recognize it the next time He speaks to me. In that one little moment, I reminded my flesh of who is in charge. In that one little moment, I encouraged my spirit man so I'll be better suited for victory at the next battle. In that one little moment, I escaped the harping, shrill, screams of this world and decided to do one thing; I decided to please my Lord. Words are inadequate to describe the reward one receives for doing that. Try it. You'll love it. I promise.

The Daniel Fast and what's taking so long

This is day 3 of my Daniel Fast. Since the beginning of this year, 2011, the Lord has been dealing with me to endure a season of self-inflicted denial. It has come up quite a few times so please forgive me Lord for being so slow to obey you. And here I am on Day 3 of a 21 day fast where I do not eat any "sweet or tasty food." No coffee, no tea, no meat or sugar. All the stuff that makes cooking worth the effort is off the menu. I had no idea how hard this would be. It's not the craving for the all the tasty stuff that's so hard. The hard part is dealing with the withdrawals. I feel like I've got the flu! My wife is getting hit even harder. Her symptoms seem much more acute and extreme than mine. This is exactly NOT what I thought I was in for.

The appeal of the Daniel Fast for me was growing closer to God. I was expecting more serenity and revelation. I was not expecting a fist fight with my own glands. I feel completely blindsided by this. However, a part of me, feels comforted by this. The Lord has been kind enough to show me how to handle myself in a fight against my own flesh. I know the cravings and symptoms will subside and, in the end, my spirit will be standing over my flesh. I have great confidence that this is how this is going to end. And as much as I'm tempted to gripe and moan, I'm actually pretty thrilled with this turn of events. Serenely bathing in the sound of my own breathing is not my idea of fun. In fact, it sounds really boring. I'd be miserable after 30 seconds. I'm much more eager to feel some punches and throw some of my own. And although I feel like I've taken a beating right now, I am enjoying the experience.

The crucial element to this fast is the spiritual exercises. During this fast, one is encouraged to dive into Isaiah 58 and meditate on this passage of scripture that describes true fasts and superficial fasts. I've been careful to do this and have already begun to reap some wisdom. I've discovered that the major factor that is delaying my miracles and breakthrough is...you guessed it, my own selfishness.

I've been cooperating with God for a number of years now in my pursuit of the abundant life Jesus bought for me. I had no idea how far from it I had wandered and occasionally get discouraged. During my time spent at Faith Life Church, I was taught how to put my flesh under. This has proven a key part of my development. Without the ability to control my own members, I am useless in the Kingdom. Now that I am taking this advanced course in putting my flesh under, I realize there's another trait that needs to be banished. I now see that I am and have been for a long time, very self-absorbed. Just like my laziness hid itself in busy work, my selfishness has cloaked itself in token gestures of charity and help. I've helped others, I've donated time, clothing, food and money but never solely for the benefit of others. I've done these things solely for my own purposes. When I've given anything, its always been with the expectation that I'm getting credit for this and will someday be able to cash in all these brownie points for something I want. The fact that someone else was getting blessed was a non-factor. I honestly didn't care about the recipient, I just wanted credit for my giving. From the outside, it looked like generosity but on the inside, God and I both knew it was selfishness. Thank God for 1 John 1:8 which promises us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us. Thank you Lord for bringing this to my attention so I can confess it and get the victory over it.

Selfishness is among the most offensive things to God. Scripture is jam-packed with examples of God expressing His disgust for it. More importantly, its opposite, love, is the most highly regarded trait. When we do things for the sole purpose of blessing someone else, the Lord is greatly pleased. I must admit that I don't know much more about this. I know he cherishes love and hates selfishness but beyond that, I don't have much more. I can tell you almost everything you need to know about selfishness. But I don't know much about loving others as we love ourselves. Just haven't had that much practice at it. But all that is changing too. I plan to use the same weapons I used to put my body under.

This is how I intend to win this battle. When I find myself doing something out of selfish ambition, I plan to stop, take that thought captive, cast it down, ask the Holy Spirit to help me replace that thought and then move on. I will refuse the temptation to make excuses. Even as I'm writing this, my flesh is already getting anxious. My flesh is already getting concerned about missing out something it wants. My flesh is genuinely concerned that I'll have to watch somebody else enjoy something I sacrificed without any guarantees that I'll get something out of it. This is my starting point. Thank God that this is not my ending spot.

I believe as I do this more, I will become so delighted with helping others, concerns for own well-being will diminish. This will allow God more room to do as He pleases. This will make it possible for God to attend to my needs and desires in His magnificent way. I plan to do what does not come natural and trust God to recognize my motives. This is how I am going to win this battle.